This morning I am in a place of wonder. The following is a list of the things I have consciously wondered about since waking up at 5:30 this morning... money, sex, exercise, lunch, sales, teaching, JenGie and so on. The wondering has been very gentle and some things have only stayed in my mind for a breath before I let them go and moved on to the next thing my mind wanted to focus on. As I sat ready to set an intention for my JenGie reading I noticed couldn't land on one thing or one area. I decided to simple wonder "What wants to happen next?"
The reading was as follows...
Destroy
House of Doing
Tearing down and getting rid of what is not working will open up space for a new creation.
Tears
House of Symbols
Tears can be an expression of all emotions. Allow the flow.
My reaction was laughter. I have been in a space of releasing for a while now, but to be reminded that something need to be torn down is a big shift in perception for me. There are somethings I need to tear down and rebuild in their place, instead of moving or changing where my focus is.
As I think over the past few weeks and how often I have gotten the tears card I am reminded of how rarely I have cried, which is not like me. I realize this morning that I have been expressing a lot of my feelings but a real good sob has not fully come through. I have had a tear escape the corner of my eye when I am alone or in class I have had tears run down my cheeks but I have not allowed myself to really open up and let all the sound and feeling out. I realize that I have been constricting my FULL expression of my emotions. I have been holding back just out side of full vulnerability. Realizing this brings tears to my eyes and tightness to my throat. (Pausing to cry)
As I am now re-reading my reading with eyes clear and my body feeling more fluid I realize part of what was and still is wanting to be destroyed are my walls that I hide behind to keep me from being vulnerable. Just writing that I feel fear in my stomach and anger in my jaw. Whew. Vulnerability is a challenge for me and I am willing to play and wonder and source this issue.
Again I ask, what wants to happen next? My answer to myself is~ Let go of control and open up to receive support.
Feeling scared and willing,
Jen
